Dilemma

"No matter what I do, all I think about is you

Even when I'm with my boo, you know I go crazy over you..." ----DILEMMA, Nelly Idleness makes me think and think and do an endless evaluation of my life in the past. It was like living in it and when it comes to the part on remember everything about you, things get too sentimental and emotional and worst, I just cry myself to sleep again, while my head starts its neverendng questions inside my head. After you left, three people came up to me. I wonder why three. One by one they sprouted like mushrooms on tree trunks. Each with a different way of telling me that they won't leave (yeah right!). One told me that he won't expect anything from me but he would often tell me that he likes me because I was simple, sweet and was not hard to love. i told him not to expect anything from me so neither I will expect anything from him. He's out in the field for training in six long months. Frankly, I'm missing him a lot. The other one came in, telling me how much he loves me since the day he saw me. He even remembered the date when we first met. He was just an acquaintance (thanks to her sister who left that day without texting him) that time. Nothing much to tell. He asked me where his sister was. Unforutnately, she's no longer around and I happen to be going down the stairs from work while he was going up to fetch her. I told him that I can only offer him friendship since I don't know him, as in, nothing about him do I know. I told him that no matter what I do, there is no feelings left in me for him other than friendship for now. Then, he went crazy. He wanted to kill himself for losing me. Geez!!! That attitude is really a major turn-off for me. Now, even if he texts me with all those mushy-stuffy quotes, i just end up saying "tnx. GB!" with no strings attached. Finally the third one, which I guess is already fed up, came up to me just recently. He was my ex-boyfriend, who insulted me by letting me see him with another girl (his real girlfriend) right infront of me while I was standing still in the middle of the second floor of a mall, somewhere near the department store. He knew I was the one standing there that time. He didn't mind me, he didn't even greet me and the worst is to walk right in front of me embracing his girl. He's walking up to me now because he knew that I loved him even if he didn't love me then. He's coming up to me now because his girl got pregnated by another guy and has decided to go with the guy who made her swallow a huge watermelon. Little did he know that that love has already been buried three long years ago and the hurt has just subsided naturally. I got shivers when he suddenly wanted to marry me before he leaves for Korea. I CAN'T DO THAT!!! Marriage hasn't gotten to my head yet. And now, what's bugging my skull? It's between my feelings for you and for the one I am waiting to come on September (unless he forgets me). Why am I too bothered by my feeling of losing when I know that I can have one again soon? Why are the wounds still fresh inside me when I lost you when, all along, when he was still around, I knew I already got over you? Why do I still cry about the time when I lost you when it has been five months and two weeks when you left me? Why? Why? Why? I don't know if I'll go on. Why am I so bothered when I'm not supposed to be bothered anymore? This dilemma has to end at all cost. I hope I can find a way to do so... soon... I hope... soon...