Wondering how far I could go in this lifetime is straining. Long hours of staring at one direction putting your mind set in oblivion can drive you crazy with all those daydreams, fantasies, and ambitions running around your head. Well, these are just the things that money can't buy, though having enough earnings for living is a problem nowadays.
Then, it came to a point where my mind took a different direction. It went to somewhere that were just hidden in the depths of my memory. Something, unforgettable. As they say, what makes humans go sentimental is because "memories are the only things that don't change when everything else does."
Along the line of the time when I was born, I was always in the hospital for check-up on asthma. I wasn't that healthy when I was a baby. I was fat though with my baby hair standing (a sign of hardheaded-ness according to my Inay). I smile a lot when I was a baby. I easily smile but my mood changes in a moment, then I cry. They said I loved milk. I often get to finish a baby bottle of milk than my elder brother Kenneth. They said I would even get his because he often does not finish his milk. I loved to be cradled in a swing, duyan as they call it here. They often let me sleep but I was active and energetic when awake.
During my toddler years, I would utter "ma" for Inay and "da" for Daddy. I walk around. Strange isn't it? i call my mom, "Inay" and my dad, "Daddy". I loved to do feet wrestling with my elder brother who was then 2years old. I still drink my water or milk in a baby bottle but I would often practice drinking in a drinking glass. I hugged my dolls, did baby talks to them as if they were alive and I also played with my brother's toys. I actually put to my mouth what I grabbed in my small hands. I almost got those poison balls in my mouth when, luckily, my brother took it away from me and called to my Auntie "Ivy is eating poison." Auntie, helped my brother take it away from me while I held it tight and cried when they got it. Auntie, spank my little hands and told me to listen to kuya. Auntie, spoke to us in English when we were little because she got used to it speaking to her employers before since they were Spanish and some were German. So, I grew up with it. We moved in to where we live now when I was 2 years old. I loved it when they ask me to pose for a picture but I often get tantrums. I was naughty when I was little. I would race the other end of my skirt when I pose. I would crawl on my Inay's bed and thumbsuck with my bro. We do pillow fights and feet wrestling. All this naughtiness and fun went on till we both went to school.
I went to school when I was 4 as a nursery grader. I started to color and write and speak straight in English when I was 3. When i got to school, I learned greetings, I learned how to write legibly and straight though it was really hard since I often almost tore the pages of my notebook because I wrote roughly and hardly on them. I learned to trace any drawing on a book. I learned how to recite the alpahabet, the numbers, the days of the week and the months of the year in an American accent mentored by the late Mommy Cura of South Merville School. When I got back home, I would act like a teacher, though the truth was I wanted to be a doctor. I let my folks and relatives arrange their chairs and let them sit properly while I got my small blackboard and chalk then I start my lessons. I let them pronounce words the way my teachers let us pronounce words. I got irritated when they were noisy and when they mispronounce some words. Then I end my lesson after a little quiz on a pad paper. I checked them and marked them. Other than those, I even boasted that I was better than them. When I actually started in school, I don't know what "anong pangalan mo?" means. I had to ask my Auntie for translations. But there was something strange about me. When I was 4 to 5 years old, I began to put my right leg on top of my other leg and twist them together. I don't know why it felt good. But I often got a spank on my leg when I do that. It only happens when I see two people on tv kissing. During these years in my life, I was prone to colds, coughs and fever and worst get my asthma attacks.
In school, I was a different Ivy. They said I was smart, assertive, playful, but not friendly though my name means "friendly". I wasn't since I was not tactful enough with the words I use in school. As long as I have something to say and for as long as I want to say it to someone, I would, even if it would hurt. They hated me for that. When I was in Kindergarten, I was absent for 2 longs weeks because of my asthma. When I got back to school, with a little review of the things I have not learned, it was already our activity test, and for some good reasons I can't comprehend, I only got 2 mistakes. I ranked 2nd in that grade. It was the time my teacher said that she had to accelerate me to Grade 1. Inay didn't listen and didn't accept the offer so I got in to Prep. I was branded talkative when I was in Prep. It was the time when my teacher placed a masking tape on my mouth because she wanted us to go to sleep but when I nodded my head I would still talk, but because I was stubborn, I removed it. She even asked my classmate, who was her favorite, to put more on my mouth. At dismissal, I got a lot of scolding and whipping from my Auntie and Daddy at home. I learned, so I didn't talk too much in school. I was boastful of anything new in my stuff from pencils to shoes. I accidentally kicked the eye of my classmate, unfortunately, I kicked the one she loves most, so again, I went home with a lot of scolding and whipping. I vowed to myself to never get near that girl again. But I didn't like the thought that she would think I'm an enemy, so I said sorry, shaked her hand and offered her a big smile. That girl and I were a tandem in the honor's list. She always ranked 1st and I 2nd. We were often picked as declaimers for the Declamation Day. But I didn't last in that rank until Grade 4. I went down. I was intimidated by many of my classmates. That was also the time when someone named Bryan, a classmate of my elder bro, courted me. I didn't like him. I do have crushes but I don't want to dwell in any of those non-sense before. I answered him for the sake of letting him stop and I really hurt him a lot of times. Before we broke up, I tore my picture, which he shot during the Scouting Camp Day. It was a stolen shot of me. One of my cruhes, Stephen, became a close friend of mine when I became a Student Council Officer, an Assistant Secretary. He was nice to me. He had a girlfriend that time but months later, they broke up. He was sweet to me. He almost courted me, but I was too innocent about those things. During my grade 4 years, I had a deal with a guy named Ryan, a repeater of Grade 5 because he was unruly, rude, lazy and all. Our deal goes (I forgot what it was all about), if he wins, he'll kiss me and if I win, I will spank him hard on the face. Unluckily, I lost, so he did kiss me, but he tricked me...He kissed me on my lips but a strange thing happened. When he did that, my soul went outside my body. My body was nothing. It was a statue. He was kissing a statue. When I went back to my body, I asked if that was a kiss. He wanted to kiss me back because he said I didn't feel it. I protested and lied, but he was right, I didn't feel it. He almost raped me inside a comfort room to get even with me because I really embarassed him infront of my busmates. He was inside the girls' comfort room, and when I opened it because I was about to pee, he pulled me in and locked the door. I fought with all the strength I had. My fear turned to anger and I pushed him hard that made him fell near the toilet bowl so I managed to get out and told my calssmates about it. The principal knew the incident from another person. He was kicked out. That was the time I turned really strong. It was also in Grade 4 when my cousin, Romy, passed away because of stab wounds. I hated the man who killed him and vowed to remember his name, so if ever he'll cross my path, God forgive me, but I will really kill him! I was strong. All the bad words I knew went out of my mouth from that day. I turned into a serious person. I never withdrew from a fight or a challenge. That's when I learned to take on challenges. In Grade 5, I still play Chinese garter, the ten-twenty, the Jackstone, and all other things girls play. Stephen would call me by my surname and I would do the same. We would have gotten too intimate with each other that time, but I did not allow it because it was wrong. During this year, a guy named Conrad, bumped on to me hitting my cheekbone, I got mad at him, but I just cried. I saw him when we got this little store when i was in high school and just laughed about what happened then. I was sent out by my teacher for being listed as one of the noisy pupils in class, but I still managed to laugh at what happened to us. In Grade 6, I bagged some achievements like holding the flag during the scouting camp, conducted the Philippine National Anthem during graduation, awarded as Artist of the Year (whose certificate I wasn't able to retrieve until this day), had my last threatrical acting stint for the guild and Declamation Day, and ranked 3rd Honorable Mention (or Rank 5). The funniest memory during my life in Grade 6 was when boy named Virgil, challenged me to a duel. I told him not to especially if I have my shorts on under my skirt. But he insisted. I even joked that if he wants to have a "square" with me, he had to go back inside the campus get a chalk and draw a square on the ground. That made hime mad so he started punching me but his fists never touched my face. When it was my turn, I kicked him and hit his balls. He's voice went small because of the pain but managed to punch me hard on the face (or was it a punch?). I wasn't even hurt but my classmate got worried. I only got a red mark on my cheeks and rubbed it off. No pain at all. This was the year when I almost got suspended because of a stupid security guard of the school. This was also the year when I started asking my late Grandma why I was seeing things which no one can see and dream dreams that were so clear and true to me.
Along the line of the time when I was born, I was always in the hospital for check-up on asthma. I wasn't that healthy when I was a baby. I was fat though with my baby hair standing (a sign of hardheaded-ness according to my Inay). I smile a lot when I was a baby. I easily smile but my mood changes in a moment, then I cry. They said I loved milk. I often get to finish a baby bottle of milk than my elder brother Kenneth. They said I would even get his because he often does not finish his milk. I loved to be cradled in a swing, duyan as they call it here. They often let me sleep but I was active and energetic when awake.
During my toddler years, I would utter "ma" for Inay and "da" for Daddy. I walk around. Strange isn't it? i call my mom, "Inay" and my dad, "Daddy". I loved to do feet wrestling with my elder brother who was then 2years old. I still drink my water or milk in a baby bottle but I would often practice drinking in a drinking glass. I hugged my dolls, did baby talks to them as if they were alive and I also played with my brother's toys. I actually put to my mouth what I grabbed in my small hands. I almost got those poison balls in my mouth when, luckily, my brother took it away from me and called to my Auntie "Ivy is eating poison." Auntie, helped my brother take it away from me while I held it tight and cried when they got it. Auntie, spank my little hands and told me to listen to kuya. Auntie, spoke to us in English when we were little because she got used to it speaking to her employers before since they were Spanish and some were German. So, I grew up with it. We moved in to where we live now when I was 2 years old. I loved it when they ask me to pose for a picture but I often get tantrums. I was naughty when I was little. I would race the other end of my skirt when I pose. I would crawl on my Inay's bed and thumbsuck with my bro. We do pillow fights and feet wrestling. All this naughtiness and fun went on till we both went to school.
I went to school when I was 4 as a nursery grader. I started to color and write and speak straight in English when I was 3. When i got to school, I learned greetings, I learned how to write legibly and straight though it was really hard since I often almost tore the pages of my notebook because I wrote roughly and hardly on them. I learned to trace any drawing on a book. I learned how to recite the alpahabet, the numbers, the days of the week and the months of the year in an American accent mentored by the late Mommy Cura of South Merville School. When I got back home, I would act like a teacher, though the truth was I wanted to be a doctor. I let my folks and relatives arrange their chairs and let them sit properly while I got my small blackboard and chalk then I start my lessons. I let them pronounce words the way my teachers let us pronounce words. I got irritated when they were noisy and when they mispronounce some words. Then I end my lesson after a little quiz on a pad paper. I checked them and marked them. Other than those, I even boasted that I was better than them. When I actually started in school, I don't know what "anong pangalan mo?" means. I had to ask my Auntie for translations. But there was something strange about me. When I was 4 to 5 years old, I began to put my right leg on top of my other leg and twist them together. I don't know why it felt good. But I often got a spank on my leg when I do that. It only happens when I see two people on tv kissing. During these years in my life, I was prone to colds, coughs and fever and worst get my asthma attacks.
In school, I was a different Ivy. They said I was smart, assertive, playful, but not friendly though my name means "friendly". I wasn't since I was not tactful enough with the words I use in school. As long as I have something to say and for as long as I want to say it to someone, I would, even if it would hurt. They hated me for that. When I was in Kindergarten, I was absent for 2 longs weeks because of my asthma. When I got back to school, with a little review of the things I have not learned, it was already our activity test, and for some good reasons I can't comprehend, I only got 2 mistakes. I ranked 2nd in that grade. It was the time my teacher said that she had to accelerate me to Grade 1. Inay didn't listen and didn't accept the offer so I got in to Prep. I was branded talkative when I was in Prep. It was the time when my teacher placed a masking tape on my mouth because she wanted us to go to sleep but when I nodded my head I would still talk, but because I was stubborn, I removed it. She even asked my classmate, who was her favorite, to put more on my mouth. At dismissal, I got a lot of scolding and whipping from my Auntie and Daddy at home. I learned, so I didn't talk too much in school. I was boastful of anything new in my stuff from pencils to shoes. I accidentally kicked the eye of my classmate, unfortunately, I kicked the one she loves most, so again, I went home with a lot of scolding and whipping. I vowed to myself to never get near that girl again. But I didn't like the thought that she would think I'm an enemy, so I said sorry, shaked her hand and offered her a big smile. That girl and I were a tandem in the honor's list. She always ranked 1st and I 2nd. We were often picked as declaimers for the Declamation Day. But I didn't last in that rank until Grade 4. I went down. I was intimidated by many of my classmates. That was also the time when someone named Bryan, a classmate of my elder bro, courted me. I didn't like him. I do have crushes but I don't want to dwell in any of those non-sense before. I answered him for the sake of letting him stop and I really hurt him a lot of times. Before we broke up, I tore my picture, which he shot during the Scouting Camp Day. It was a stolen shot of me. One of my cruhes, Stephen, became a close friend of mine when I became a Student Council Officer, an Assistant Secretary. He was nice to me. He had a girlfriend that time but months later, they broke up. He was sweet to me. He almost courted me, but I was too innocent about those things. During my grade 4 years, I had a deal with a guy named Ryan, a repeater of Grade 5 because he was unruly, rude, lazy and all. Our deal goes (I forgot what it was all about), if he wins, he'll kiss me and if I win, I will spank him hard on the face. Unluckily, I lost, so he did kiss me, but he tricked me...He kissed me on my lips but a strange thing happened. When he did that, my soul went outside my body. My body was nothing. It was a statue. He was kissing a statue. When I went back to my body, I asked if that was a kiss. He wanted to kiss me back because he said I didn't feel it. I protested and lied, but he was right, I didn't feel it. He almost raped me inside a comfort room to get even with me because I really embarassed him infront of my busmates. He was inside the girls' comfort room, and when I opened it because I was about to pee, he pulled me in and locked the door. I fought with all the strength I had. My fear turned to anger and I pushed him hard that made him fell near the toilet bowl so I managed to get out and told my calssmates about it. The principal knew the incident from another person. He was kicked out. That was the time I turned really strong. It was also in Grade 4 when my cousin, Romy, passed away because of stab wounds. I hated the man who killed him and vowed to remember his name, so if ever he'll cross my path, God forgive me, but I will really kill him! I was strong. All the bad words I knew went out of my mouth from that day. I turned into a serious person. I never withdrew from a fight or a challenge. That's when I learned to take on challenges. In Grade 5, I still play Chinese garter, the ten-twenty, the Jackstone, and all other things girls play. Stephen would call me by my surname and I would do the same. We would have gotten too intimate with each other that time, but I did not allow it because it was wrong. During this year, a guy named Conrad, bumped on to me hitting my cheekbone, I got mad at him, but I just cried. I saw him when we got this little store when i was in high school and just laughed about what happened then. I was sent out by my teacher for being listed as one of the noisy pupils in class, but I still managed to laugh at what happened to us. In Grade 6, I bagged some achievements like holding the flag during the scouting camp, conducted the Philippine National Anthem during graduation, awarded as Artist of the Year (whose certificate I wasn't able to retrieve until this day), had my last threatrical acting stint for the guild and Declamation Day, and ranked 3rd Honorable Mention (or Rank 5). The funniest memory during my life in Grade 6 was when boy named Virgil, challenged me to a duel. I told him not to especially if I have my shorts on under my skirt. But he insisted. I even joked that if he wants to have a "square" with me, he had to go back inside the campus get a chalk and draw a square on the ground. That made hime mad so he started punching me but his fists never touched my face. When it was my turn, I kicked him and hit his balls. He's voice went small because of the pain but managed to punch me hard on the face (or was it a punch?). I wasn't even hurt but my classmate got worried. I only got a red mark on my cheeks and rubbed it off. No pain at all. This was the year when I almost got suspended because of a stupid security guard of the school. This was also the year when I started asking my late Grandma why I was seeing things which no one can see and dream dreams that were so clear and true to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment