My Memory Journal...2

A MONTH AGO Little wormy thoughts crawled down my tummy. God! it's a month already, i thought. i feel bloated. i feel drowsy. no. not drowsy. no. i'm dizzy, i feel like vomiting but i can't. no! No!!! i am not. I...am...not... My peeing got a little painful. i must say, my pelvic bones needed repairs, too, i thought. Ah...My UTI again. It's killing me. I'm scared to get a check up you know. What'll i do if i find out that...ah. Then, i texted Rein. I asked him what if one day he'll know that he's going to be a father, what will he do, then. I asked him this morning and look at that if your getting lucky. See! He had no replied till now. It's six in the evening. I've been bumping into women who has eaten a basket of apples. Their tummies are really bulging. It looks as if it's gonna explode. I'm gettting scared. I was looking at baby stuff. I missed the way Rein held me and told me that he'll buy blue shirts for our baby girl. Hello! Blue stuff for our baby girl. What was i thinking? He has not proposed yet. Not even once. Ay! I went home like a zombie. I uttered nothing when mom and I got back home. I sat back. I lied in bed. Am i? no! I texted my bestfriend. I asked her what she did to know if she's going to be a mom soon. The answer: TESTER. ah! I'm not gonna use that. no, no, no, no! My negative expressions did buy me anything. i bought it anyway. i was shaking to death. i can't breathe. I was sweating really cold from head to toes. i can't move an inch. I can't even blink an eye. I'm waiting for that small strip of red to come up. When one red strip did, i was waiting for another one. But i'd faint if it did. I thought the tester was broken. I thought it was fake. I waited longer. No second red strip had gone up. It means...I'm safe. Thank God! Thank God! That really scared the hell out of me. Now, i can walk lightly. My face brightened up a little. I washed my face and thought. I'm not what I think I was. I'm safe! Whew! Thank God I am safe! Rein's safe, too. He's reaction of not replying made it clear to me that i have nothing to worry about that sweet, hot night between us.